Thursday, February 11, 2010
Stormy Weather
The dual snowstorms in Washington DC have kept me pretty much locked up for a week. Last Thursday I was at work most of the day but came home early to hit the grocery store and get ready for Friday's storm, which hit within a minute of the predicted time of 10am. Since then I've been out twice before today, during the brief (and only slightly safer) interlude between the storms.
This has not been a good experience for me.
I am not the sort of person who can go a week without interacting with anyone. I am not the sort of person who can be stuck in his apartment for an entire day because a power outage has left the elevators stopped. I am a social creature, perhaps more so than many other people, and I need human contact. And for a week, I didn't get it.
Every day I saw social plans fall through, so everything I looked forward to was taken away from me. One after another they became impossible. Many days, I saw photos of friends on Facebook doing things with each other, and even on those days I could have gotten out of here, I only heard about these afterwards...yeah, no invitations for me. I left a number of unanswered voicemails, sent any number of unanswered texts and e-mails. Fortunately, Linh and I check in with each other every morning (we do that regularly, not just during storms, because we both live alone) and that was typically the highlight of my day. I had more contact with people in Asia, or with strangers online, then I did with people here.
There were many things I could have accomplished with all this time off, and I did very few of them. Other than a bunch of reading (I hit the library after visiting the grocery the day before the first storm) I accomplished very little. I should have done more writing. I should have finished cleaning my place (hey, it's Tet/CNY this weekend!), I should have been in our condo's gym every day (well, every day the power was on), but I couldn't find the enthusiasm to do any of it. I mostly lay on the couch bouncing from site to site online, or watching bad TV. Not healthy, either physically or mentally. I didn't eat very well. A couple days, I didn't even bother taking a shower or shaving. Not good.
I don't think many of my friends realized how different this experience was for me than it was for them. Stan read an article comparing being stuck in the city or near a functioning Metro station versus being isolated (even just a few miles from downtown), and it was spot on. I had an email from one guy that read, "I haven't been out all week! Last night a group of us went to Nellie's, and saw some other friends, and stayed out way too late..." Yeah, I don't think he understands what "haven't been out all week" really means. :P
Fortunately, today I got out after a couple hours of shoveling snow, and got to spend a great couple of hours with Linh. I'm glad he was able to make the time for that because I was really starting to go a little crazy here and I couldn't stand being alone another day. But I can't rely on Linh for that, it's not fair to him, he's not responsible for me.
Just for giggles, tonight I looked up the symptoms of a Major Depressive Episode in the DSM-IV. It takes 5 symptoms to qualify as an Episode, and I can only truthfully point to 4 that I experienced, so that's a good thing, I suppose. But it doesn't change the fact that I was depressed almost to the point of nonfunctioning. I can point to the storm as a reason, but I've tried to pinpoint exactly what caused my problems, so I can avoid them in the future.
What it comes down to is my social nature, and the need to spend time with people. The reality is that I need other people more than they need me, and that's probably not good. On the other hand, my interest in being with others is probably a big part of what makes me a good person and a good friend, so it's not like I want to become a loner who doesn't need other people. The solution, at least when it comes to isolating incidents like this storm, is to move. And also, in general, to make more friends.
While I like having my own place, and I don't expect that to change, what DOES need to change is my location. I need to be someplace where it's easier to get out and about, not just during episodes like a winter storm but also just on regular evenings during the week, that sort of thing. I need to be near a Metro that I can walk to, I need to be close to grocery stores and cafes, and I need to be near friends. My plan for the last month or so has been to rent out my condo and take an apartment where I used to live in grad school. That fits all my needs, even though with the rental market being the way it is, I'm going to lose money on the deal. I'd like to do this soon, but the uncertainty surrounding my job situation this summer makes me hesitate for the moment.
The other thing I need is better friends. I have three people I can look to in DC as good friends, while a lot of the other people I call "friends" are rapidly turning into "acquaintances." While I'm very happy to have just a small trio of people with whom I feel really close, and with whom I can be open about anything, I need a circle of friends that comes in between them and my acquaintances. I thought I had that, but I was wrong, and since I'm planning to stay in DC it's time to work on that.
So this last week has really sucked, and it could happen again (another storm is possible on Monday). Rather than changing who I am and learning not to need people, I'm instead going to embrace who I am and, if anything, be more social. But instead of relying on others to fix my problems for me and take care of me, I'm going to work on them myself.
And THAT'S what I got out of this stupid weather.
This has not been a good experience for me.
I am not the sort of person who can go a week without interacting with anyone. I am not the sort of person who can be stuck in his apartment for an entire day because a power outage has left the elevators stopped. I am a social creature, perhaps more so than many other people, and I need human contact. And for a week, I didn't get it.
Every day I saw social plans fall through, so everything I looked forward to was taken away from me. One after another they became impossible. Many days, I saw photos of friends on Facebook doing things with each other, and even on those days I could have gotten out of here, I only heard about these afterwards...yeah, no invitations for me. I left a number of unanswered voicemails, sent any number of unanswered texts and e-mails. Fortunately, Linh and I check in with each other every morning (we do that regularly, not just during storms, because we both live alone) and that was typically the highlight of my day. I had more contact with people in Asia, or with strangers online, then I did with people here.
There were many things I could have accomplished with all this time off, and I did very few of them. Other than a bunch of reading (I hit the library after visiting the grocery the day before the first storm) I accomplished very little. I should have done more writing. I should have finished cleaning my place (hey, it's Tet/CNY this weekend!), I should have been in our condo's gym every day (well, every day the power was on), but I couldn't find the enthusiasm to do any of it. I mostly lay on the couch bouncing from site to site online, or watching bad TV. Not healthy, either physically or mentally. I didn't eat very well. A couple days, I didn't even bother taking a shower or shaving. Not good.
I don't think many of my friends realized how different this experience was for me than it was for them. Stan read an article comparing being stuck in the city or near a functioning Metro station versus being isolated (even just a few miles from downtown), and it was spot on. I had an email from one guy that read, "I haven't been out all week! Last night a group of us went to Nellie's, and saw some other friends, and stayed out way too late..." Yeah, I don't think he understands what "haven't been out all week" really means. :P
Fortunately, today I got out after a couple hours of shoveling snow, and got to spend a great couple of hours with Linh. I'm glad he was able to make the time for that because I was really starting to go a little crazy here and I couldn't stand being alone another day. But I can't rely on Linh for that, it's not fair to him, he's not responsible for me.
Just for giggles, tonight I looked up the symptoms of a Major Depressive Episode in the DSM-IV. It takes 5 symptoms to qualify as an Episode, and I can only truthfully point to 4 that I experienced, so that's a good thing, I suppose. But it doesn't change the fact that I was depressed almost to the point of nonfunctioning. I can point to the storm as a reason, but I've tried to pinpoint exactly what caused my problems, so I can avoid them in the future.
What it comes down to is my social nature, and the need to spend time with people. The reality is that I need other people more than they need me, and that's probably not good. On the other hand, my interest in being with others is probably a big part of what makes me a good person and a good friend, so it's not like I want to become a loner who doesn't need other people. The solution, at least when it comes to isolating incidents like this storm, is to move. And also, in general, to make more friends.
While I like having my own place, and I don't expect that to change, what DOES need to change is my location. I need to be someplace where it's easier to get out and about, not just during episodes like a winter storm but also just on regular evenings during the week, that sort of thing. I need to be near a Metro that I can walk to, I need to be close to grocery stores and cafes, and I need to be near friends. My plan for the last month or so has been to rent out my condo and take an apartment where I used to live in grad school. That fits all my needs, even though with the rental market being the way it is, I'm going to lose money on the deal. I'd like to do this soon, but the uncertainty surrounding my job situation this summer makes me hesitate for the moment.
The other thing I need is better friends. I have three people I can look to in DC as good friends, while a lot of the other people I call "friends" are rapidly turning into "acquaintances." While I'm very happy to have just a small trio of people with whom I feel really close, and with whom I can be open about anything, I need a circle of friends that comes in between them and my acquaintances. I thought I had that, but I was wrong, and since I'm planning to stay in DC it's time to work on that.
So this last week has really sucked, and it could happen again (another storm is possible on Monday). Rather than changing who I am and learning not to need people, I'm instead going to embrace who I am and, if anything, be more social. But instead of relying on others to fix my problems for me and take care of me, I'm going to work on them myself.
And THAT'S what I got out of this stupid weather.
