Saturday, October 17, 2009
Gettin' Kinda Heavy
Last night I had dinner with a friend who's getting ready to graduate from university. He's feeling a little stressed with the transition from school to the working world, thinking about what he's going to do for work, what makes him happy, how to keep from wasting the next 20 years before he figures out what he really wants to do. These are all normal questions, and I've been through this before, and of course I'm more than happy to talk with him about it.
By the time the evening ended he was apologizing for getting "so heavy" and promised that next time we'd have a movie night without talking about big stuff.
But it isn't an issue for me, talking about the big stuff. I don't mind it at all. Friends have issues, and they need to talk about them. Lord knows I do it. So hopefully, he was paying attention when I told him we could talk any time about anything he needs to discuss. I won't tell him what to do...I'm more likely to just ask questions until he figures out the answers himself.
I feel like, if there's one thing I can do for my friends, it's just to be there for them. A friend recently told me he thinks I'm one of the most empathic people he knows, able to put feelings into words better than most people. If that's the skill I've got, then I should use it for them, yes?
Lately I've been going through a bit of a transition myself, and have needed to rely on a friend. I worry sometimes that I bring too much of "the heavy stuff" with me, but I've needed the talking, and it's helped a lot. Fortunately, there are a couple friends here who can handle it, and who help me through down times, and if it weren't for them I'd be a mess. I try not to drag the heavy stuff in with me too much...it's nice to just have lunch or go shopping or watch a movie without worrying about things.
Not everyone's like that. I have another friend here (who doesn't read this, so it's OK to write about it) who will share with me what's going on with him. But if I try to raise things going on in my own life, he tends to view things only from his own perspective, wondering why I don't do things exactly like he would do, why I don't see things like I see them. That doesn't help much...it makes me feel defensive. So I don't bring the heavy stuff to him anymore, not that I ever got too awfully serious in our discussions anyway.
I guess I just feel lucky to have some friends I can count on, and if I'm able to give a tiny bit back, then that's pretty good.
As for movie night...I'm looking forward to it. And if the post-movie talk turns to the meaning of life, I'm OK with that, too.
By the time the evening ended he was apologizing for getting "so heavy" and promised that next time we'd have a movie night without talking about big stuff.
But it isn't an issue for me, talking about the big stuff. I don't mind it at all. Friends have issues, and they need to talk about them. Lord knows I do it. So hopefully, he was paying attention when I told him we could talk any time about anything he needs to discuss. I won't tell him what to do...I'm more likely to just ask questions until he figures out the answers himself.
I feel like, if there's one thing I can do for my friends, it's just to be there for them. A friend recently told me he thinks I'm one of the most empathic people he knows, able to put feelings into words better than most people. If that's the skill I've got, then I should use it for them, yes?
Lately I've been going through a bit of a transition myself, and have needed to rely on a friend. I worry sometimes that I bring too much of "the heavy stuff" with me, but I've needed the talking, and it's helped a lot. Fortunately, there are a couple friends here who can handle it, and who help me through down times, and if it weren't for them I'd be a mess. I try not to drag the heavy stuff in with me too much...it's nice to just have lunch or go shopping or watch a movie without worrying about things.
Not everyone's like that. I have another friend here (who doesn't read this, so it's OK to write about it) who will share with me what's going on with him. But if I try to raise things going on in my own life, he tends to view things only from his own perspective, wondering why I don't do things exactly like he would do, why I don't see things like I see them. That doesn't help much...it makes me feel defensive. So I don't bring the heavy stuff to him anymore, not that I ever got too awfully serious in our discussions anyway.
I guess I just feel lucky to have some friends I can count on, and if I'm able to give a tiny bit back, then that's pretty good.
As for movie night...I'm looking forward to it. And if the post-movie talk turns to the meaning of life, I'm OK with that, too.
