Sunday, November 01, 2009
Age is Just a Number
People often tell me I don't seem as old as I am. Some are talking about looks, some are talking about attitude, but all of them are right. I definitely don't feel as old as I am, and while I can remember what my parents were like at this age, I don't think I'm anything like them.
But I've come to realize that this can work in the opposite direction as well. Some of my younger friends seem "older" than their ages. I put "older" in quotes (imagine me doing that thing with my fingers while talking) because they don't look older, and they don't really act a certain age. They just seem closer to my place in life than do other people of the same biological age. It's not even really about maturity...it seems like it's more about life experience.
This occurred to me today at a friend's birthday dim sum. We were talking about a mutual acquaintance (we'll call him A) that I was hanging out with recently. My friend asked me, "would you ever think of you two getting together?" I'm going to assume he was talking about dating rather than about a hookup, and my answer, pretty quickly, was no. I said that A -- though he is a thoroughly sweet guy and incredibly nice, and someone whom I love spending time with -- is just a bit too hyper and unfocused for me. Naturally, on the drive home, I thought a bit more about it.
Now, A is 23, and yes, that's a bit younger than I, and we'd also been talking about another guy (we'll call him B) who's 21 and a bit immature. But I thought, "it can't be the age." Let's think about it. Stan was 23 when we started dating last year, and we made for a pretty good pair of boyfriends. Linh is 24 now, and he and I are very close friends. What is it about these guys that sets them apart?
I really think it's a combination of all their experiences, which give them a certain perspective on life that's very different from those of some other guys their age. They've traveled, and spent time living in a foreign country. They're educated, with a strong desire to keep learning. They have an idea of what they want to do in life. They've both worked in jobs that have an important purpose behind them. It's not just that they've "grown up" (which sounds patronizing anyway), it's that they have life experiences comparable to mine. They may have more experience in some things, less in others, but the basic frameworks of our lives have enough similarity that we can understand and appreciate each other in a way that helps us create a close bond. The fact that they're 25 or 24 years old doesn't matter...since age is just a number.
If you ask me why I tend to be around younger people more than older ones, it's because there's something else I share with these guys that many people my age seem to have lost: self-discovery and a desire for new experiences. Something I realized back in my early 30s, when I started grad school, was that many of my age peers had stopped trying new things. They were settled into a routine and didn't want anything new. That's fine for them, because they're happy, but that made it tough for me to be around them, because I wasn't content to stop discovering (and I'm still not). They were too much like I remember my parents being at that age. And so I tended to be around younger people (actually, being in school made that an easy thing to do). That's something that has continued to this day.
So yeah, it's really not the numerical age that matters...it's the person, whether younger or older.
I'm very lucky to have the friends I do, both at home and overseas, because they fit me so well and make my life so much more fun and enjoyable. I don't mind getting older if I get to grow older with them.
But I've come to realize that this can work in the opposite direction as well. Some of my younger friends seem "older" than their ages. I put "older" in quotes (imagine me doing that thing with my fingers while talking) because they don't look older, and they don't really act a certain age. They just seem closer to my place in life than do other people of the same biological age. It's not even really about maturity...it seems like it's more about life experience.
This occurred to me today at a friend's birthday dim sum. We were talking about a mutual acquaintance (we'll call him A) that I was hanging out with recently. My friend asked me, "would you ever think of you two getting together?" I'm going to assume he was talking about dating rather than about a hookup, and my answer, pretty quickly, was no. I said that A -- though he is a thoroughly sweet guy and incredibly nice, and someone whom I love spending time with -- is just a bit too hyper and unfocused for me. Naturally, on the drive home, I thought a bit more about it.
Now, A is 23, and yes, that's a bit younger than I, and we'd also been talking about another guy (we'll call him B) who's 21 and a bit immature. But I thought, "it can't be the age." Let's think about it. Stan was 23 when we started dating last year, and we made for a pretty good pair of boyfriends. Linh is 24 now, and he and I are very close friends. What is it about these guys that sets them apart?
I really think it's a combination of all their experiences, which give them a certain perspective on life that's very different from those of some other guys their age. They've traveled, and spent time living in a foreign country. They're educated, with a strong desire to keep learning. They have an idea of what they want to do in life. They've both worked in jobs that have an important purpose behind them. It's not just that they've "grown up" (which sounds patronizing anyway), it's that they have life experiences comparable to mine. They may have more experience in some things, less in others, but the basic frameworks of our lives have enough similarity that we can understand and appreciate each other in a way that helps us create a close bond. The fact that they're 25 or 24 years old doesn't matter...since age is just a number.
If you ask me why I tend to be around younger people more than older ones, it's because there's something else I share with these guys that many people my age seem to have lost: self-discovery and a desire for new experiences. Something I realized back in my early 30s, when I started grad school, was that many of my age peers had stopped trying new things. They were settled into a routine and didn't want anything new. That's fine for them, because they're happy, but that made it tough for me to be around them, because I wasn't content to stop discovering (and I'm still not). They were too much like I remember my parents being at that age. And so I tended to be around younger people (actually, being in school made that an easy thing to do). That's something that has continued to this day.
So yeah, it's really not the numerical age that matters...it's the person, whether younger or older.
I'm very lucky to have the friends I do, both at home and overseas, because they fit me so well and make my life so much more fun and enjoyable. I don't mind getting older if I get to grow older with them.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
生日快乐 to Me!
So I'm a day late on the birthday entry. Too bad. I was busy celebrating.
Being far from home on your birthday can suck, as I found in Iraq 4 years ago. This time, however, no one was shooting at me, and the food was better. Plus, even though I had a couple good friends in Baghdad, I am very lucky to have met quite a few really wonderful people here.
The birthday wishes started on Monday, when one of my students dropped by with a card and a gift from home (I'm on Facebook and am linked to some of my students, that's how they knew, I didn't announce it in the syllabus!). A number of them sent notes through Facebook as well. Tuesday night , my actual b-day,I was invited out by my friend Joshua, and we were joined by the always-very-charming Derek, to make it a great night (Derek is the first of my gay friends other than Stan that Joshua has met, and I will say again how pleased I am to have become friends with that very open-minded straight man). It was great that derek was there but he wasn't able to go out to a local bar with Joshua and I (they have live music every night and it's Joshua's favorite), so I'll be seeing derek and some of his friends Saturday. Joshua and i had a very nice time out, though we cut it short about 11;30 so we could catch the trains home.
Wednesday after work i met up with my friend Ed and he took me to dinner at a German place he'd discovered that day. We'd made dinner plans the day before, but he had no way to know it was my birthday, so I let him know in advance, figuring it would come up in conversation and he'd be annoyed if he found out while at dinner instead of earlier. Anyway, he brought a very cute card. Ed is someone I met only recently, after he was flirting with Stan, and he's turning into a very nice friend to have.
Later this week I get to see Alan, then Allan (don't get confused!), and then next tuesday KK and I are going out, and that should about do it for the birthday, a week after the fact. :-)
Various visitors celebrated with me in advance. Stan brought me the perfect gift (the first season of "Big Bang Theory," and I agreed to wait until my actual birthday before watching it) and also sent flowers that arrived on my birthday. Azhan visited last week and brought me a teddy bear. Linh passed through town a couple days after Stan left (I don't think I blogged about that yet) and brought me a couple very cute gifts from Bangkok. Adrian sent some beautiful flowers that arrived a few days before my birthday and have made the place smell nice for a week.
The folks back home sent lots of birthday wishes, courtesy of Facebook (how did we ever remember birthdays before that?) and it felt really good to be remembered. I miss my friends there and even though I will be sorry when I leave Singapore, it will be good to see them again.
For the last couple years birthday's have been a tad stressful for me but this one was nice and festive. I haven't had a birthday party in about 8 years so all the going out this week adds up to a pretty good party in my book. I appreciate the good wishes from everyone and hope I can make them feel as good on their special day as they made me feel on mine.
Being far from home on your birthday can suck, as I found in Iraq 4 years ago. This time, however, no one was shooting at me, and the food was better. Plus, even though I had a couple good friends in Baghdad, I am very lucky to have met quite a few really wonderful people here.
The birthday wishes started on Monday, when one of my students dropped by with a card and a gift from home (I'm on Facebook and am linked to some of my students, that's how they knew, I didn't announce it in the syllabus!). A number of them sent notes through Facebook as well. Tuesday night , my actual b-day,I was invited out by my friend Joshua, and we were joined by the always-very-charming Derek, to make it a great night (Derek is the first of my gay friends other than Stan that Joshua has met, and I will say again how pleased I am to have become friends with that very open-minded straight man). It was great that derek was there but he wasn't able to go out to a local bar with Joshua and I (they have live music every night and it's Joshua's favorite), so I'll be seeing derek and some of his friends Saturday. Joshua and i had a very nice time out, though we cut it short about 11;30 so we could catch the trains home.
Wednesday after work i met up with my friend Ed and he took me to dinner at a German place he'd discovered that day. We'd made dinner plans the day before, but he had no way to know it was my birthday, so I let him know in advance, figuring it would come up in conversation and he'd be annoyed if he found out while at dinner instead of earlier. Anyway, he brought a very cute card. Ed is someone I met only recently, after he was flirting with Stan, and he's turning into a very nice friend to have.
Later this week I get to see Alan, then Allan (don't get confused!), and then next tuesday KK and I are going out, and that should about do it for the birthday, a week after the fact. :-)
Various visitors celebrated with me in advance. Stan brought me the perfect gift (the first season of "Big Bang Theory," and I agreed to wait until my actual birthday before watching it) and also sent flowers that arrived on my birthday. Azhan visited last week and brought me a teddy bear. Linh passed through town a couple days after Stan left (I don't think I blogged about that yet) and brought me a couple very cute gifts from Bangkok. Adrian sent some beautiful flowers that arrived a few days before my birthday and have made the place smell nice for a week.
The folks back home sent lots of birthday wishes, courtesy of Facebook (how did we ever remember birthdays before that?) and it felt really good to be remembered. I miss my friends there and even though I will be sorry when I leave Singapore, it will be good to see them again.
For the last couple years birthday's have been a tad stressful for me but this one was nice and festive. I haven't had a birthday party in about 8 years so all the going out this week adds up to a pretty good party in my book. I appreciate the good wishes from everyone and hope I can make them feel as good on their special day as they made me feel on mine.
Labels: Age, Friends, Life, Living in SG
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Birthday Boy
We went to a photo exhibit this afternoon, to a fabulous dinner tonight, and then headed to the Kennedy Center for a play. A great time was had but I am too freakin' tired to blog right now, so off to bed with more to follow Monday.
To all who sent e-mails, Facebook notes, SMS...thank you!!! Many of those came from overseas, so they started even before it was officially my birthday here! Special thanks to Eddie in Malaysia, Tracy in California, Paul in New York, and Ethan here at home who all called...thank you, boys!!!
And now to bed. After all, I'm 42...I need at least 5 hours of sleep a night.
To all who sent e-mails, Facebook notes, SMS...thank you!!! Many of those came from overseas, so they started even before it was officially my birthday here! Special thanks to Eddie in Malaysia, Tracy in California, Paul in New York, and Ethan here at home who all called...thank you, boys!!!
And now to bed. After all, I'm 42...I need at least 5 hours of sleep a night.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
(Click) (Click) OK, Give Me Pouty (Click)
All right, before I get into this story, a quick tale from last night...
So I go to a club and the guy checking IDs looks at me a couple times and says, "No way can you be this old." And I said yeah, I am, and in fact, "in two days I'll be even older."
A reference to my birthday, naturally. But of course, in two days, we'll ALL be older. By two days.
I'm stupid sometimes.
Anyway, this week I did some modeling. There's a photographer from Minneapolis whom I'd talked with last year after seeing some of his work. He had me send him some photos and then told me he'd like to use me as a model sometime...he travels a lot and had been in DC just a couple weeks earlier and thought he'd be back in 2008, so he said we could do it here or I could come to Minneapolis where he has his full studio. I thought about doing that, but as it turned out he had a last minute trip here this week and called to see if I'd be available. For that, I'm definitely available.
Anyway, he had me bring a bunch of different outfits (I had a backpack full!) and accessories and such. Some of the pics were thoughtful and serene, others were sexy, all of them were fun. We shot for about 2 hours and I saw some of the photos afterwards...nice! He will do some editing on them, working with PhotoShop or something more advanced, and I can't wait to see the final products! I know he won't use very many of them and I'm curious to see what he picks.
This is the first time anyone's asked me to do this. A year ago I don't think it would have happened...in fact, I would never have even considered it. I was pretty unhappy with my body and would not have exposed it to a camera. So yes, I'm very excited! It makes me feel good to have someone else think he can use me and show me and make something that people want to see.
A friend of mine is doing a shoot with me in a couple weeks, the same friend who did the Asian men calendar for this year. But that's a little different, he knows me...this was out of the blue, someone whom I'd never met.
A note to all my photographer friends: I am ALWAYS available to you (well, when we're in the same country) for something like this if you ever need a model or want to practice with one!
So I go to a club and the guy checking IDs looks at me a couple times and says, "No way can you be this old." And I said yeah, I am, and in fact, "in two days I'll be even older."
A reference to my birthday, naturally. But of course, in two days, we'll ALL be older. By two days.
I'm stupid sometimes.
Anyway, this week I did some modeling. There's a photographer from Minneapolis whom I'd talked with last year after seeing some of his work. He had me send him some photos and then told me he'd like to use me as a model sometime...he travels a lot and had been in DC just a couple weeks earlier and thought he'd be back in 2008, so he said we could do it here or I could come to Minneapolis where he has his full studio. I thought about doing that, but as it turned out he had a last minute trip here this week and called to see if I'd be available. For that, I'm definitely available.
Anyway, he had me bring a bunch of different outfits (I had a backpack full!) and accessories and such. Some of the pics were thoughtful and serene, others were sexy, all of them were fun. We shot for about 2 hours and I saw some of the photos afterwards...nice! He will do some editing on them, working with PhotoShop or something more advanced, and I can't wait to see the final products! I know he won't use very many of them and I'm curious to see what he picks.
This is the first time anyone's asked me to do this. A year ago I don't think it would have happened...in fact, I would never have even considered it. I was pretty unhappy with my body and would not have exposed it to a camera. So yes, I'm very excited! It makes me feel good to have someone else think he can use me and show me and make something that people want to see.
A friend of mine is doing a shoot with me in a couple weeks, the same friend who did the Asian men calendar for this year. But that's a little different, he knows me...this was out of the blue, someone whom I'd never met.
A note to all my photographer friends: I am ALWAYS available to you (well, when we're in the same country) for something like this if you ever need a model or want to practice with one!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Happy Birthday to Me
41 today, but I don't feel like it, of course. Just a quiet day of bumming aronud town -- I've needed one of those for a while!
Thanks very much to all who sent birthday greetings!!!
Adrian's taking me out to dinner tonight. For those who've known me for a long time you know that we met on my birthday (see the January 14 2001 entry) so tonight marks our 6th anniversary of meeting. This one feels different from all the rest, for the obvious reasons, but I'm looking forward to a very nice night out at a new restaurant (well, new for us, anyway).
Thanks very much to all who sent birthday greetings!!!
Adrian's taking me out to dinner tonight. For those who've known me for a long time you know that we met on my birthday (see the January 14 2001 entry) so tonight marks our 6th anniversary of meeting. This one feels different from all the rest, for the obvious reasons, but I'm looking forward to a very nice night out at a new restaurant (well, new for us, anyway).
Labels: Age
Friday, January 12, 2007
Still Alive
I noticed that my profile on Fridae.com (which is based in Singapore, 13 hours ahead of us) already shows me as 41 years old. Silly Singaporeans, always making me feel older than I really am. Well, occasionally, there have been some who've made me feel younger!
But a reminder, nonetheless, that this time tomorrow I'll be a little older. Which I suppose is true every day, come to think of it.
Finally got over my cold and all that nonsense, made it to the doctor and got some drugs that are supposed to fix me but don't give me any wild feelings of euphoria, so what's the fun in THAT?
But a reminder, nonetheless, that this time tomorrow I'll be a little older. Which I suppose is true every day, come to think of it.
Finally got over my cold and all that nonsense, made it to the doctor and got some drugs that are supposed to fix me but don't give me any wild feelings of euphoria, so what's the fun in THAT?
Labels: Age
