Monday, February 16, 2009
Sudden Sadness
OK, so, I'm over yesterday's sudden attack of sadness. It hit me when I got back from my haircut. I wondered if maybe it was because I didn't have anything planned with anyone the rest of the day (which is pretty unusual, frankly) and I had a fear of "wasting a day" when I could be spending it with friends. That's silly, of course. I mean, I'm with friends pretty much every evening of the week and had spent 14 hours with some wonderful friends (thank you Jasen, Derek and Luke!!) on Saturday, so any concern about not being with people was ridiculous. (and for the record, I got a call later and ended up going dancing last night until 2am with a friend, so yeah, the universe corrected itself)
But that's not what it was, I realized...
Try as I might not to count, the reality is I have only 17 days left in Singapore. And I just don't feel ready to go home.
Part of it is the cool job I have. I love teaching, and since I'm working for the government back home I know I'm going to miss the classroom once I leave.
Part of it is the sense of freedom I have here. Being away from my regular job, being in a city where I don't know that many people (I mean, relative to the whole population -- I certainly have managed to meet plenty of people) allows me to explore and experience new things, and that's been nice.
A big part of it, of course, is the people I've met here. So many nice folks, and a few really, really good friends have come from this experience. I hate the idea of leaving them behind.
And part of it...well, part of it is that this has been an adventure. It's the sort of thing I've wanted to do for many years, and after I applied for the exchange program I was tense for months while waiting for the results, and then had to spend a few months dealing with the bureaucracy at work (to get my leave of absence of approved) and of course, with some medical issues that came about because of the physical exam I got for this trip. There was a huge buildup to this, and frankly, it's a pretty prestigious exchange program, so it's been a big deal (I haven't mentioned the name of the exchange program because I don't want to show up in Google searches for it -- I learned that lesson with the whole "leopard bestiality" thing, and also with Thai porn -- but the first syllable is the opposite of "empty" and the second syllable is the opposite of "dim" and rhymes with "light").
Anyway, what I have to remember is, adventures come to an end. That's why we call them "adventures" instead of "normal life." I knew all along this was a limited time experience so the approaching departure date is no surprise.
But it does make me sad when i think of it.
Despite the fact that one of my KL friends reminds me consistently that I'm NOT Singaporean, the fact is that I do fit in rather well here, certainly now that I've gotten accustomed to the place and the newness has worn off. A number of my friends here have commented that I seem to be a natural fit for the city, and one even said that I seem more Asian than Western (I get the feeling he was talking about more than just chopstick skills).
You might ask "why not just move there if you like it so much?," and the thought has occurred to me, since I was planning a massive career change later this year anyway. But those plans are on hold right now (and THAT is a story for a much later day, but it's for good reasons, not bad -- a promotion is in the air, it seems).
It's not like I don't have any reason to go back to DC. There are some very special people there, one in particular (and I know you're reading this, Stan!), but at the same time, my return to that city in 2006 has been something of a disappointment (maybe the reason I keep going away for long periods?) and while there are a few really good reasons to be there, there are also lots of good things here I'm going to miss.
You want to know something strange? While I'm over here in Asia and sharing my experiences on this blog, most of the people reading it are here in Asia -- very few folks among my DC friends care enough to read this. This means something.
Being here for 4 months allowed me to get into a comfort zone, one which looks different from what I had back home and which, in some ways, is more exciting. The time spent with friends, the travel, the adapting to different ways of doing things, the teaching, and let's face it, the cute guys all around me...all this makes it tough to leave. It was easier to break away from my DC comfort zone (even though there were a few tears during some goodbyes) because I was starting out on something cool. There's nothing new back home, though, so I feel like I'm leaving something behind.
Perhaps the answer, then, is to liven things up once I get back to DC...
But that's not what it was, I realized...
Try as I might not to count, the reality is I have only 17 days left in Singapore. And I just don't feel ready to go home.
Part of it is the cool job I have. I love teaching, and since I'm working for the government back home I know I'm going to miss the classroom once I leave.
Part of it is the sense of freedom I have here. Being away from my regular job, being in a city where I don't know that many people (I mean, relative to the whole population -- I certainly have managed to meet plenty of people) allows me to explore and experience new things, and that's been nice.
A big part of it, of course, is the people I've met here. So many nice folks, and a few really, really good friends have come from this experience. I hate the idea of leaving them behind.
And part of it...well, part of it is that this has been an adventure. It's the sort of thing I've wanted to do for many years, and after I applied for the exchange program I was tense for months while waiting for the results, and then had to spend a few months dealing with the bureaucracy at work (to get my leave of absence of approved) and of course, with some medical issues that came about because of the physical exam I got for this trip. There was a huge buildup to this, and frankly, it's a pretty prestigious exchange program, so it's been a big deal (I haven't mentioned the name of the exchange program because I don't want to show up in Google searches for it -- I learned that lesson with the whole "leopard bestiality" thing, and also with Thai porn -- but the first syllable is the opposite of "empty" and the second syllable is the opposite of "dim" and rhymes with "light").
Anyway, what I have to remember is, adventures come to an end. That's why we call them "adventures" instead of "normal life." I knew all along this was a limited time experience so the approaching departure date is no surprise.
But it does make me sad when i think of it.
Despite the fact that one of my KL friends reminds me consistently that I'm NOT Singaporean, the fact is that I do fit in rather well here, certainly now that I've gotten accustomed to the place and the newness has worn off. A number of my friends here have commented that I seem to be a natural fit for the city, and one even said that I seem more Asian than Western (I get the feeling he was talking about more than just chopstick skills).
You might ask "why not just move there if you like it so much?," and the thought has occurred to me, since I was planning a massive career change later this year anyway. But those plans are on hold right now (and THAT is a story for a much later day, but it's for good reasons, not bad -- a promotion is in the air, it seems).
It's not like I don't have any reason to go back to DC. There are some very special people there, one in particular (and I know you're reading this, Stan!), but at the same time, my return to that city in 2006 has been something of a disappointment (maybe the reason I keep going away for long periods?) and while there are a few really good reasons to be there, there are also lots of good things here I'm going to miss.
You want to know something strange? While I'm over here in Asia and sharing my experiences on this blog, most of the people reading it are here in Asia -- very few folks among my DC friends care enough to read this. This means something.
Being here for 4 months allowed me to get into a comfort zone, one which looks different from what I had back home and which, in some ways, is more exciting. The time spent with friends, the travel, the adapting to different ways of doing things, the teaching, and let's face it, the cute guys all around me...all this makes it tough to leave. It was easier to break away from my DC comfort zone (even though there were a few tears during some goodbyes) because I was starting out on something cool. There's nothing new back home, though, so I feel like I'm leaving something behind.
Perhaps the answer, then, is to liven things up once I get back to DC...
Labels: Friends, Life, Living in SG, Thai Porn, Wandering Mind
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Quick Note on Dating
(I started writing this last week in Hong Kong and saved it as a draft, unsure what to do with it. I decided it's worth posting, after a little editing.)
I saw something in KL I really liked seeing: KL boys dating KL boys. Why is that memorable? Because in the US you see that very rarely...very often you see Asians and white guys together, but not as many Asians dating Asians (I find the term "sticky rice" offensive, by the way, as I do "rice queen" and "potato queen" -- comments?). I have talked with friends at home as well as friends on this journey, and they have narrowed the Asian + white thing down to three main reasons:
- simple personal preference, much like preferring blonds or tall guys
- a sense that Westerners are "better"
- money
The last 2 bother me...I think I don't like the idea that I might be lumped in with other white guys who might be taking advantage of those 2 reasons. Any kind of "inferiority complex" bothers me, as does "prostituting" oneself. Self respect, in my humble opinion, is worth more than any money.
(I'd like to think there's a fourth reason: simply being attracted to a guy without regard to his ethnicity or appearance. Is that more common than I think?)
The reason this occurs to me now is, Friday night was spent with an online friend in HK and his white British boyfriend. The boyfriend was kind of a jerk, and definitely didn't appreciate my friend. I thought to myself, "You have 2 people who want to hang out with you this evening: one who arranged his business travel so he could meet up with you, and one who has spent more time on his mobile talking to people who aren't here than he has talking to you." Which would you prefer? I mean, you have to decide for yourself how you deserve to be treated...I think my friend deserves to be treated better, and hopefully he will learn to think that too.
The other reason this occurs to me, of course, is that the couples I met in KL just look so damned cute together.
I should mention that Saturday night was spent with the same friend, without the bf this time, and he is so much cooler in a less stressful situation. He really deserves someone great, and I hope he finds him after jettisoning Mr Drunky Drunk.
Speaking of that Saturday night, I forgot to mention one incident at Propaganda. There were only a few people on the dance floor by 1am, but I was one of them, and a few cute lesbians were out there too. One of them, short with short hair, smiled and came to dance with me. We were having fun, and I leaned in and said, "I'm Will, what's your name?" She looked a little surprised (what, she expected me to speak Chinese maybe?) and ran off to her friends. She came back a couple minutes later, started dancing, leaned in and said:
"I'm a girl!"
"Um, yeah," I said, "I know that."
"Oh, she said, "I thought you thought I was a gay!!"
"No, I just wanted to know who I'm dancing with" was my reply.
She seemed happy with that. Her name was Florence, by the way.
Oh, and I had one other Malaysian adventure I forgot to mention: earlier this year I was watching some porn from Thailand and this one guy had a very cool necklace. Yeah, he was hot, so was his partner, blah blah blah, but I really liked that necklace. I looked for it in cities around the US but never found it. Anyway, the day after arriving in KL I was in Low Yat Plaza and, walking past a jewelry stand, I saw it. It isn't actually a necklace, but is instead a chain that clips to two belt loops (it's a thick chain with a small handcuff on each end that clips together)...but it looked great on the guy in the porno (he didn't have any belt loops to clip it to, because he didn't have any pants) so I'm sure if I wear it as a necklace, I too will look like a hot naked Thai guy.
That isn't really an adventure, I guess, but I just like talking about Thai porn. And now I will show up in Google when people look for "Thai porn" and they will be very, very disappointed.
I saw something in KL I really liked seeing: KL boys dating KL boys. Why is that memorable? Because in the US you see that very rarely...very often you see Asians and white guys together, but not as many Asians dating Asians (I find the term "sticky rice" offensive, by the way, as I do "rice queen" and "potato queen" -- comments?). I have talked with friends at home as well as friends on this journey, and they have narrowed the Asian + white thing down to three main reasons:
- simple personal preference, much like preferring blonds or tall guys
- a sense that Westerners are "better"
- money
The last 2 bother me...I think I don't like the idea that I might be lumped in with other white guys who might be taking advantage of those 2 reasons. Any kind of "inferiority complex" bothers me, as does "prostituting" oneself. Self respect, in my humble opinion, is worth more than any money.
(I'd like to think there's a fourth reason: simply being attracted to a guy without regard to his ethnicity or appearance. Is that more common than I think?)
The reason this occurs to me now is, Friday night was spent with an online friend in HK and his white British boyfriend. The boyfriend was kind of a jerk, and definitely didn't appreciate my friend. I thought to myself, "You have 2 people who want to hang out with you this evening: one who arranged his business travel so he could meet up with you, and one who has spent more time on his mobile talking to people who aren't here than he has talking to you." Which would you prefer? I mean, you have to decide for yourself how you deserve to be treated...I think my friend deserves to be treated better, and hopefully he will learn to think that too.
The other reason this occurs to me, of course, is that the couples I met in KL just look so damned cute together.
I should mention that Saturday night was spent with the same friend, without the bf this time, and he is so much cooler in a less stressful situation. He really deserves someone great, and I hope he finds him after jettisoning Mr Drunky Drunk.
Speaking of that Saturday night, I forgot to mention one incident at Propaganda. There were only a few people on the dance floor by 1am, but I was one of them, and a few cute lesbians were out there too. One of them, short with short hair, smiled and came to dance with me. We were having fun, and I leaned in and said, "I'm Will, what's your name?" She looked a little surprised (what, she expected me to speak Chinese maybe?) and ran off to her friends. She came back a couple minutes later, started dancing, leaned in and said:
"I'm a girl!"
"Um, yeah," I said, "I know that."
"Oh, she said, "I thought you thought I was a gay!!"
"No, I just wanted to know who I'm dancing with" was my reply.
She seemed happy with that. Her name was Florence, by the way.
Oh, and I had one other Malaysian adventure I forgot to mention: earlier this year I was watching some porn from Thailand and this one guy had a very cool necklace. Yeah, he was hot, so was his partner, blah blah blah, but I really liked that necklace. I looked for it in cities around the US but never found it. Anyway, the day after arriving in KL I was in Low Yat Plaza and, walking past a jewelry stand, I saw it. It isn't actually a necklace, but is instead a chain that clips to two belt loops (it's a thick chain with a small handcuff on each end that clips together)...but it looked great on the guy in the porno (he didn't have any belt loops to clip it to, because he didn't have any pants) so I'm sure if I wear it as a necklace, I too will look like a hot naked Thai guy.
That isn't really an adventure, I guess, but I just like talking about Thai porn. And now I will show up in Google when people look for "Thai porn" and they will be very, very disappointed.
Labels: Friends, Relationships, Thai Porn, Travel
